... on top of a roof during a great flood. A man comes by in a boat and says" get in, get in !" The religious man replies," no I have faith in God, He will grant me a miracle" Later the water is up to his waist and another boat comes by and the guy tells him to get in again. He responds that he has faith in God and God will give him a miracle. With the water at about ... God's Miracles. Our Response? A religious man is on top of a roof during a great flood. A man comes by in a boat and says" get in, get in !" The religious man replies," no I have faith in God, He will grant me a miracle" Later the water is up to his waist and another boat comes by and the guy tells him to get in again. He responds that he has faith in God and God ...

... drivin ' and I took to ridin ' and sure 'nuff, she was right. Not only did my head clear up, but what I saw renewed my faith in the Good Lord. I tell you, Brother, I seen miracle after miracle! My Sunday School superintendent, Hank Weaselbaum had called to tell me that he was so deathly sick, he wouldn't make it to church. But there he was, drivin ' down the road with his favorite fishin ' pole ... the mall with both arms full of packages. And then there was Horace Dweedle, who ain't been to church in six months cause'a his bum knee; he was playin ' basketball down at the park. Seein ' all these mighty miracles and healin's got me so worked up, I started singin ' the Doxology! Yes, sir, Brother Blowhorn, I'm excited! I just know we'll be havin ' us a packed house next Sunday, what with all the sick and ...

... Failing With Style Words -Some -Women Use New Drugs On The Market Clarification Of The Corporate Structure Building A Campfire Church Humor Men's Rules Military Insurance Atlanta Georgia Halloween Personae No Pork Grandparent Surprises Parrot The Wayside Chapel Tin Can Technology The Practical Joker Miracle Doctor Rabbit Reasearch Lab Bad Day In The ER A Few Of My Favorite Things The Lost Chapter Of Genesis Think You Are Having A Bad Day Work Rules For All Employees KIDS KORNER 06 On-going How To Find Your Wife Christmas Questions The Pig ... Housekeeping Gridiron Witties Top 50 Oxymorons Words Are Tools Sky Pups Rules For Flight Little Known Feline Ailments Best Singles Ad Why Men Can Not Win Gonna Be A Bear Twenty New Management Styles Hole In One -Proof Step On It Seniors Unite God's Miracles -Our Response A Letter To The Cats Old Man -Little Boy Tide And Menopause Cooking Little Johnny -Aptitude Test Shotgun Position Why Do You Want A Divorce Castaway Things Learned At Bible School Of Dust Bunnies And Deceit Have You Got The Time Doggy Dictionary ...

... Calls -Golf Course Science -As Seen By Kids Trip To Walmart Little Johnny -Aptitude Test Make The Woman Happy Ads Gone Wrong New And Use Horses Mammogram Appointment Real Bass Fisherman Golfer -Caddy Well Known Phrases Grandchildern Ghost Car Ten Public Servants Gridiron Witties Miracle Water Gene Splicing -Reality Math -Little Johnny First Time Prayer The Dangers Of Bread Electronic Parish Walmart -Heaven Warning Labels Answering Machines Criminally Stupid Choir Director -Pastor Turbulence Midwest Wisdom Eating Worms More Little Johnny Star Trek Things Living In Houstin True Floridian Rabbit Reasearch ... The Net Grandma Got Addicted Gramesis Grace Alone Graduate Nurses vs Experienced Nurses Government Pipe Specifications Government Official -Purchase Good Son Good Shepherd Golf Quotes Golf Rules Golf Facts Golf -The The Most Honorable Sport Golden Rules For Ensemble Playing God In Adverts God's Miracles -Our Response God Didn't Make Perfect Mothers Giving Blood Gift Wrapping With The Help Of Your Cat Genealogy Quips Gender Of Items Garden Wars Garden Of Eden Fun Bible Info Fundmentalist Dog Frequently Asked Questions About Health Care Free Cat Fractured Words Fractured Dictionary For ...

... The Choir Men Will Never Win Mental Health Hotline Men's Rules Mexican Jews Michigan Slogans Middle School Mosh Pit Midlife Midlife Is Midwest Wisdom Midwestern Ways Midyear Resolutions Military Helicopter Simulation Military Insurance Military Life Military Rules Military Words Of Wisdom Millionaire Minivan Mentality Miracle Doctor Miracle Machine Miracle Restoration Miracle Water Missed Missionaries Missionarys Horse Missouri Farm Kid Modern Ark Building Modern Church Modern Grandma Moishe Glickman Mom's Dictionary Mom's Laundry Rules Mom's Letter To Santa Mom Was Right Moms Last Laugh Mom's Bath Note Mom's Definitions Monica Monkey ... Funny Signs Funny T -Shirts Garden Of Eden Garden Wars Gender Of Items Gene Splicing -Reality Genealogy Quips Get Out Of Jury Duty Ghost Car Gift Wrapping Tips For Men Gift Wrapping With The Help Of Your Cat Gifts For Him Giving Blood God's Miracles -Our Response God Didn't Make Perfect Mothers God In Adverts Golden Rules For Ensemble Playing Golf -Perfect Eyesight Golf -Stevie And Tiger Golf -The The Most Honorable Sport Golf Book Tips Golf Caddy Advice Golf Facts Golf For The First Time Golf Gotcha Golf Handicap ...

... Miracle Doctor A new miracle doctor was in town. He could cure anything and anybody, and everyone was amazed with what he can do. Everyone except for Mr. Smith, the town grouch. So Mr. Smith went to this 'miracle doctor ' to prove that he wasn't anybody special. So he goes and tells the doctor," Hey, doc, I have lost my sense of taste. I can't taste 'nothin, so what are 'ya going to do ?" The doctor scratches his head and mumbles to himself a little, then tells Mr. Smith," What you need is jar number 43" Jar number 43? Mr. Smith wonders. So the doctor brings the jar and tells Mr. Smith to taste it. He tastes it and immediately spits it out," This is gross !" he yells." I just restored your sense of taste Mr. Smith ," says the doctor. So Mr. Smith goes ...

... led astray by a Jezebel like Delilah. Samson slayed the P!!!! hilistines with the axe of the Apostles. Moses led the hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread which is bread without any ingredients. The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert. Afterwards, Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten ammendments. Moses died before he ever reached Canada. Then Joshua led the Hebrews in the battle of Geritol. The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him. David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar. he fought with the Finklesteins, a race of people who lived in Biblical times. Solomon, one of David's sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines. When Mary heard that she was the!!!! mother of Jesus, she sang the Magna Carta. When the three wise guys from the east side arrived, ...

... Miracle Restoration? A farmer is sitting on his front porch enjoying the beautiful spring day. Rocking back and forth on his rocker, he notices a rabbit hopping across his yard, hopping and nibbling, hopping and nibbling the way rabbits do in the wild. He notices the birds flying from tree to tree singing as they go. The little rabbit hopping and nibbling. A butterfly flies past his head as he takes a drink of his lemonade. The rabbit reaches the road and begins to cross because there isn't anything to nibble on. Just as the rabbit reaches the half way point, a truck comes by and flattens the rabbit. The farmer is distraught by this and gets up to go inside. Just then the truck backs up and the driver gets out. The farmer sits back down and watches. The driver of the truck takes a bottle out of his jacket and pours it on the flattened rabbit. He gets back in his ...

... Miracle Machine An Amish boy and his father were visiting a local mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two" shiny silver walls" that enclosed a small room, and would repeatedly move apart and back together again. The boy, totally amazed by this, asked his father," What is this father ?" The father (never having seen an elevator) responded," Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I do not know what it is" While the boy and his father were watching wide-eyed, an old lady limping slightly with a cane slowly walked up to the moving walls and pressed one of the buttons. The walls opened and the lady walked between them and into the small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched, small circles of light with numbers above the wall light up. They continued to watch as the circles lit up in ...

... Miracle Water Three disabled men (a blind man, an amputee, and a man in a wheelchair) are flying back with the USA team from the Paralympic games in the Middle East when their plane crashes in the Sahara Desert. The three disabled men, the only survivors, are now stranded and wait for someone to rescue them, but no one shows. They start to get real thirsty, so they decide to seek out water. The amputee leads the way, with the blind man pushing the man in the wheelchair. Eventually they find an oasis. The amputee leader goes into the water first, cools himself down, drinks a load of water, then walks out on the other side-Lo and behold, he has a NEW LEG! He gets excited and encourages his friends to do the same. The blind man offers to push the guy in the wheelchair, but his offer is refused. The man in the wheelchair ...

... he asked the boy about the source of his joy." Hey ," asked the boy in return with a bright laugh," don't you have any idea what God is able to do? I just read that God opened up the waves of the Red Sea and led the whole nation of Israel right through the middle" The enlightened man laughed lightly, sat down next to the boy and began to try to open his eyes to the" realities" of the miracles of the Bible." That can all be very easily explained. Modern science has shown that the Red Sea in that area was only 10-inches deep at that time. It was no problem for the Israelites to wade across" The boy looked surprised. His eyes wandered from the man back to the Bible laying open in his lap. The man, content that he had enlightened a poor, naive young person to the finer points of scientific insight, turned to go. ...

... open sea to see how the other man was doing. To their surprise, they saw the JAG officer riding on the back of one of the sharks! In just a few minutes, the shark he was riding on headed towards the island and dropped the man off near the shore. Then, very casually, the" JAG" officer gave a friendly waved to the sharks, as they swam away from the island. The Chaplain said," That was a miracle !" The Doctor said," Medically, I don't understand how you could get the sharks to do that !" To which the JAG Officer replied," No big deal, it was just a matter of professional courtesy" [Author Unknown-from 'Buffalos Chips ' (buffalos-g-jokes.yahoogroups.com)] Inspirational Humor SkyWriting.Net All Rights Reserved. ...

... was probably worth it. Some days you are the bug, some days you are the windshield. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you. Never ask a barber if he thinks you need a haircut. To the world you might be one person, but to one person you might be the world. Going to church does not make you a Christian anymore than going to McDonald's makes you a hamburger. A coincidence is when God performs a miracle, and decides to remain anonymous. Sometimes the majority only means that all the fools are on the same side. Life is like an onion; you peel off one layer at a time and sometimes you weep. Learn from the mistakes of others. You can't live long enough to make them all yourself. Following the path of least resistance is what makes rivers and men crooked. Life is 10 %of what happens to you, and 90 %of how you respond ...

... is helpful in home repair. Work in the kitchen whenever you can. many fine tools are there, its warm and dry, and you are close to the refrigerator. If it's electronic, get a new one. or consult a twelve-year-old. Stay simple minded: Get a new battery; replace the bulb or fuse; see if the tank is empty; try turning it to the" on" switch; or just paint over it. Always take credit for miracles. If you dropped the alarm clock while taking it apart and it suddenly starts working, you have" fixed" it. Regardless of what people say, kicking, pounding, and throwing sometimes DOES help. If something looks level, it is level. If at first you don't succeed, redefine success. Above all, if what you've done is stupid, but it works,. then it isn't stupid. [Author Unknown-from Aiken Drum] Inspirational Humor SkyWriting.Net ...

... start pumping real fast. A friend went to a dealer the other day and said," I'd like a gas cap for my Yugo" The dealer replied," Okay. Sounds like a fair trade" How can you get a Yugo to do 60 miles an hour? Push it over a cliff. How do you double the value of a Yugo? Fill the tank with gas. What do you call a Yugo on the top of the hill? A miracle. What do Yugos have in common with Ferarris?~A Ferarri can go from 0 to 60 in 4 seconds.~A Yugo can go from 0 to 4 in 60 seconds. The new Yugo comes with a tow package. It's in the front. What do you call a Yugo with a flat tire? Totalled. [Author Unknown-from 'Buffalos Chips ' (buffalos-g-jokes.yahoogroups.com)] Inspirational Humor SkyWriting.Net All Rights Reserved. ...

... cats sleeping; they can actually curl up in a ball. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space used is nothing but feline sarcasm. My compact discs are not toys for you and your friends to play with. For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, try to turn the knob, or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. In addition, I have been using bathrooms for years and I know that feline attendance is not mandatory. The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other cat's butt. I cannot stress ...

... . Wearing thick rubber gloves, I felt just like an archeologist digging through the life layers of a primitive group of humans, one on its way to being civilized but not quite there yet. The top layer contained still-recognizable items-crumpled up sheets of notebook paper, folders and binders in varying states of decomposition, empty water bottles covered with what appeared to be chewing gum, a couple of fast-food containers sporting dried-up French fry fragments. There was even – by some miracle – an actual book. It was without a cover, naturally, but it was still a book. Below that first level of compaction, though, things got murkier. This is when the gloves came in handy. I reached in and gingerly extracted various moldy objects that might once have been part of a school lunch but were now definitely a biological hazard. Digging deeper into the crud, I was amazed at how the molecular structure of the slimy material appeared to have ...

... this year for mothers of preschoolers. It comes in three fluorescent colors and is guaranteed to crumble on any carpet making the In-law's house seem just like mine. If it's too late to find any of these products, I'd settle for enough time to brush my teeth and comb my hair in the same morning, or the luxury of eating food warmer than room temperature without it being served in a Styrofoam container. If you don't mind I could also use a few Christmas miracles to brighten the holiday season. Would it be too much trouble to declare ketchup a vegetable? It will clear my conscience immensely. It would be helpful if you could coerce my children to help around the house without demanding payment as if they were the bosses of an organized crime family; or if my toddler didn't look so cute sneaking downstairs to eat contraband ice cream in his pajamas at midnight. Well, Santa, the buzzer on the dryer is ringing and my son ...

... . Look at videos of dogs and cats sleeping. They can actually curl up in a ball. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. (I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space used is nothing but sarcasm) My compact discs are not miniature Frisbees. For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine meow, try to turn the knob, or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. (In addition, I have been using the bathroom for years .canine or feline attendance is not mandatory) The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dogs or cats. I ...

... About Golf Golf can best be defined as an endless series of tragedies obscured by the occasional miracle." I wish I could play my normal game .just once"" Golf is harder than baseball. In golf, you have to play your foul balls" If you find you do not mind playing golf in the rain, the snow, even during a hurricane, here's a valuable tip: your life is in trouble. Golfers who try to make everything perfect before taking the shot rarely make a perfect shot. The term" mulligan" is really a contraction of the phrase" maul it again" A" gimme" can best be defined as an agreement between two golfers .neither of whom can putt very well. An interesting thing about golf is that no matter how badly you play; it is always possible to get worse. Golf's a hard game to figure. One day you'll go out and slice it and shank it, hit ...

... Harry Vardon Golf and sex are the only things you can enjoy without being good at them.~Jimmy DeMaret The difference in golf and government is that in golf you can't improve your lie.~George Deukmejian Golf is a game invented by the same people who think music comes out of a bagpipe.~Author Unknown If I hit it right, it's a slice. If I hit it left, it's a hook! If I hit it straight, it's a miracle.~Author Unknown AMEN [Author Unknown-from 'Buffalos Chips ' (buffalos-g-jokes.yahoogroups.com)] Inspirational Humor SkyWriting.Net All Rights Reserved. ...

... Golf Facts Golf can best be defined as an endless series of tragedies obscured by the occasional miracle, followed by a good bottle of beer. Golf! You hit down to make the ball go up. You swing left and the ball goes right. The lowest score wins. And on top of that, the winner buys the drinks." I wish I could play my normal game. just once"" Golf is harder than baseball. In golf, you have to play your foul balls" If you find you do not mind playing golf in the rain, the snow, even during a hurricane, here's a valuable tip: your life is in trouble. Golfers who try to make everything perfect before taking the shot rarely make a perfect shot. The term" mulligan" is really a contraction of the phrase" maul it again" A" gimme" can best be defined as an agreement between two golfers neither of whom ...

... God In Adverts A fifth grade teacher in a Christian school asked her class to look at TV commercials and see if they could use them in someway to communicate ideas about God. Here are some of the results: GOD is like BAYER ASPIRIN. He works miracles. GOD is like a FORD. He's got a better idea. GOD is like COKE. He's the real thing. GOD is like HALLMARK CARDS. He cares enough to send His very best. GOD is like TIDE. He gets the stains out that others leave behind. GOD is like GENERAL ELECTRIC. He brings good things to life. GOD is like SEARS. He has everything. GOD is like ALKA-SELTZER. Try Him, you'll like Him. GOD is like SCOTCH TAPE. You can't see him, but you know He's there. GOD is like DELTA. He's ready when you are. GOD is like ALLSTATE. You're in good hands with him. GOD is ...

... sees everything and hears everything and is everywhere which keeps Him pretty busy. So you shouldn't go wasting His time by going over your mom and dad's head asking for something they said you couldn't have"" Atheists are people who don't believe in God. I don't think there are any in Chula Vista. At least there aren't any who come to our church"" Jesus is God's Son. He used to do all the hard work like walking on water and performing miracles and trying to teach the people who didn't want to learn about God. They finally got tired of Him preaching to them and they crucified Him"" But He was good and kind like His Father and He told His Father that they didn't know what they were doing and to forgive them and God said OK. His Dad (God) appreciated everything that He had done and all His hard work on earth so He told Him He didn't have to go out on the ...